HOW MEN LOSE THEIR IMPORTANCE IN THE EYE OF A WIFE

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The family already lives. The husband goes to work, honestly brings money to the family and is sincerely convinced that this is all his duties are exhausted. He does not take the initiative in solving important issues for the family: repairing housing, expanding it, purchasing it (if there is no home of his own), spending weekends and holidays, family leave. The husband does not know what products to buy home, and the trip to the supermarket is usually initiated only by the wife. Over time, a man loses the skills of even acquiring clothes for his beloved, he loses the habit not only of cooking food, but also of warming it up. He leaves for himself three activities: working, watching TV (Internet) and getting sex. Not realizing at the same time that his self-elimination from the world of the family, from the world of his wife, is equal to self-elimination from the world of great family sex.

It is important for men to understand: If the husband gradually loses initiative in solving important family issues, if he withdraws himself from the life of the family, if the wife is forced to plan everything herself, and use him only as a passive labor force, he loses his leadership status, the status of a dominant male, even in if he earns a lot, and all members of his family are financially dependent on him. Alas and ah.

I emphasize: even if a man earns a lot and brings everything to his house, even if he does not drink or beat, but at the same time is not active in family life, he gradually lowers his status in the eyes of a woman. Moreover, neither this man himself, nor his wife, nor his children, until some point in time, do not realize this.

Therefore, the wife will gently and delicately ignore the requests and demands of her husband, reacting to them, as we react to the buzzing of an annoying fly: we tolerate and dismiss only when it is already completely unbearable. That is, the husband will systematically ask and demand something, from sex to the opportunity to go to the bathhouse with friends, and the wife will allow him to do this completely without a system, from time to time. In the hard to predict logic "mother-child": I can afford for good behavior, but I can not allow even for very good behavior, because the mother is busy or thinks: the child does not need this at all, just the child himself does not yet understand this, has not yet grew up to understand this …

As you can see, in both versions we get exactly what men often complain about: “I work, I earn, but my wife does not obey me …”. This is because over the years of relationships and marriage, men themselves reduce their level of activity, stop working on relationships, begin to rest on their former laurels and go with the flow of life. Thus, gradually dimming in the eyes of their wives, lowering themselves in their perception to the level of a “labor loser” or “child”.

Hence, from this discrepancy, bias along the line “as a man I know my worth, everyone around me respects me, hears and even fears me, except my wife” and “the husband put himself in the position of a source of resources for the family, merged from the family, stopped living in our interests to communicate with us; at the same time, something else demands from us … it will be ground down!"

This becomes a breeding ground for betrayal: some girl, a young colleague at work, pecks at the attractive image of the Dominant Male, gives him attention and sex, takes him away from the family, marries himself, gives birth to children and … if the man does not do the right things for himself conclusions and does not change the line of his family behavior, he will again sink in his marital status. And he will continue to be sad about the topic: “All women are the same! First - good girls, and then - they don't obey and there is no sex!"

I hope everything is very clear, but still, I will summarize:

The wife does not obey her husband in three cases:

- when, in principle, no commands are received from him in the family;

- when he himself does not fulfill the declared and promised;

- when he is unable to defend his rights in the family.

That is, when the husband does not behave like an active male of a high rank, but like a passive male of the second rank. Then the woman's unconscious changes her attitude towards him and the wife either openly pushes him around, or loves him as her own son, but she herself decides for him what he can and needs.

Hence, practical advice for respected men:

- Always, always fulfill the declared and promised! Remember: reputational costs are always more painful than others!

- Take the initiative in developing relations with a woman: offer yourself to live together; rent a house yourself; propose to start a family yourself; offer to have children yourself; if you do not use condoms, gladly accept the news of pregnancy and do not dare to send a woman for an abortion; Extend your family's living space yourself, look for apartments yourself, apply for mortgages and deal with technical solutions for the repair and purchase of furniture and household appliances!

- Plan your weekends and holidays, vacations in advance. Do not lay your sides on the sofas! Spend this time only together with your family, having pre-selected routes for your exits to people, shopping and entertainment centers, cinemas, museums, cafes, etc. Moreover, it is desirable that you either propose leisure options yourself, or actively participate in the discussion of these plans.

- Show your organizational talents in your own family, learn to be a dispatcher and manager of the time of your wife and children. Because the logic of life

is simple: if you are not at the top, then you are at the bottom. And that's how they will treat you. Including your own household.

- The husband needs to be different from the children. Children can only be offended by mom and dad, they do not have the resources for more. They cannot leave or have meaningful negotiations. If he is dissatisfied with how he is treated in his own family for his own money, a man will simply “play in silence”; sit alone on the phone; eat alone and after all; feel normal only at work or with friends; to arrange a "sexual strike", to the delight of his wife, finally depriving himself of what he already did not receive - let him be depressed, alcoholism, betrayal and divorce. Therefore, learn to conduct a difficult, but vital dialogue with your wife. If a husband is dissatisfied with something, you need to clearly and coherently formulate your claims and requirements for your wife (and children). Defend your interests, offer compromises and alternatives. But, in no case should you put up with the role of a loser or a child. From this, in the end, everyone will lose: not only the man himself, but also his wife and children, when he cheats, leaves the family, gets drunk or dies from a heart attack or stroke, not receiving proper respect for himself and therefore experiencing systemic stress.

- It is important for a man to learn to pay great attention to his family, not to consider himself the smartest on earth, to read useful books on the psychology of relationships in a timely manner, in order not only to understand his wife, but also to understand with what eyes and exactly how she sees him.

Let's dwell on this for now.

If you want to reduce conflict in your family and better understand the interests of yourself and your wife, I advise you to read my books: "How to Strengthen Your Marriage", "Seven Quakes" and "Sharp Corners of Young Families". I will also be happy to give professional advice from a family psychologist on a personal (in Moscow) or online consultation with the whole world (via Skype, Viber, WhatsApp or phone).