Decrease And Return Of Attraction In Couple

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Often, people in long-term couples experience a decrease in sex drive. There are several reasons for this. For now, I will outline one of the most popular: people themselves forbid themselves to be sexually attracted to other people, except for their partner.

Such prohibitions have a plus: they allow you to maintain a more stable relationship in a couple. But there is also a serious disadvantage - the power of sex drive cannot be turned off locally, if you diligently reduce it in relation to attractive acquaintances and strangers, then you want your partner less.

What can you do to maintain both loyalty and your sex drive? I'll tell you. Only first I will make a small digression and tell you how sexual arousal works on the basis of the "sexual contact cycle" from the book "Sexuality, Love and Gestalt" by the famous psychologist Bridget Martel.

The first phase of the sexual contact cycle is psychological:

1. Interest. We look at the world around us, at other people, in some of them we may have a sexual interest.

2. Desire. When there is a person who arouses sexual interest, and this interest increases, then there is an internal impulse to another, a desire to have sex with this person.

The second phase is physiological.

3. Excitement - continuation of the phase of desire. These are more intense experiences as physical arousal arises.

4. Plateau - sexual arousal remains at a consistently high level for some time.

5. Orgasm - the peak, after which the excitement subsides.

This is followed by a refractory period and a phase of assimilation of sexual experience.

All phases in this cycle, except for the orgasm phase, can be interrupted, or they can be arbitrarily stopped.

If you have a number of beliefs (for example, that you cannot want someone other than your partner), the sexual cycle of contact can be interrupted in a person "by itself", at a preconscious level. As a rule, this is an interruption in the phase of interest, a person forbids himself to want someone other than his partner and his sexual interest is blocked.

It can be unlocked. It's easy, but it takes some practice.

First, you need to understand that the phases of the sexual cycle of contact, which go up to the phase of orgasm, can be arbitrarily interrupted at any time. Just think, "Okay, I like this person, I feel my interest / my desire / my arousal, but I won't go further."

Second, accept the fact that no one can read your mind. And no one will know about your interest, desire, or excitement, if you do not inform the person.

Third, it is important to practice feeling your sexual interest.

Exercise to return a sense of sexual interest: just look at people, everywhere, anywhere, for example in public transport, listen to yourself, observe your interest, who of those around you arouses it. If you are honest with yourself in this exercise, you can regain your sense of sexual interest and, perhaps, learn something new about yourself and your sexual fantasies. And to embody them or not, this is only a matter of free choice.

When you have mastered the feeling of interest, move on to observing yourself: does it increase in contact with especially "interesting" people, does sexual desire arise.

Fourth, it is important to learn to feel your body in order to feel sexual arousal. These experiences are already living in the body. If you have weak bodily sensitivities, it is important to learn to hear your body in order to recognize arousal signals.

Exercise to restore bodily sensitivity: Put on something comfortable and in a secluded place get up and start listening to the bodily sensations: how your feet press on the floor, your muscles are tense or relaxed. Listen to your breathing, whether it is deep or shallow. Try to breathe deeply, take a deep breath slowly, and take a deep breath out slowly. Breathe like this 10 times. Listen to yourself, did your body sensation change after deep breathing? What new sensations? Or is something gone? If you have excitement (like the desire to do something, the energy for it), then where is it located? What do you want to do?

By listening to yourself this way from day to day, you can begin to feel the desires of your body.

And importantly: when you learn to notice your interest, understand desires and feel excitement, then remember that further embodiment or not embodiment of this in life is only a matter of your free choice.

So, by observing yourself and other people, you can regain your sexual arousal, return sexual arousal to contact with your partner.