Family Discussion Of Financial Issues

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

1. How to properly discuss financial issues in the family, so as not to offend each other, but also not to diminish the rights of the other?

Discussion of financial issues primarily depends on the nature of the issue itself. If, for example, spouses disagree on price and quality when buying a new TV, in this case, in order for the conflict to be more constructive, with the subsequent opportunity to come to a joint solution, taking into account the interests of each, it is necessary for each of the spouses to argue in detail all the advantages of their choice on separate sheets, after which they will exchange leaflets and discuss. Sometimes the spouses make their choice according to the greatest number of advantages, sometimes when they fail to agree at all, they throw a coin, and the losing side already has to complain not about the spouse, but about the unfavorable fate. It's another matter if the personal interests of one of the spouses are affected, when one feels infringed upon the freedom to meet his needs because of finances.

The reasons for this may be different, whether the other spouse earns little, or spends a lot, or something else, but one way or another, the injured party, of course, is, of course, first of all offended and angry with his soul mate, and as a rule, all his righteous anger as a result, he expresses in accusations and insults against him, which ultimately leads only to mutual insults, feelings of insult, and misunderstanding. In this case, in order that all the same the relationship does not suffer and the rights of everyone do not diminish, the injured party certainly should not ignore its discontent, but it should still be expressed not in an accusatory form towards another, but first of all it should be shared with the spouse. feelings and experiences associated with the situation that has arisen, to listen and what is very important to hear the other side, to try to find common points of contact, in which new solutions can appear, to outline further joint plans to resolve the current situation.

Remember, if you are attentive and careful about your own experiences, you can share them with another, and you can be just as careful about the experiences of another, which will create a fertile ground for warm and trusting relationships in your family.

2. How should a woman housewife who has no source of income and who is financially dependent on her husband behave?

How to prioritize? If a woman is a housewife who is completely dependent on her husband for financial matters and is satisfied with this, she does not feel much discomfort, this is her choice, not her husband's. To make it easier to keep track of finances and prioritize, I would recommend doing monthly financial planning. To do this, you need to start a notebook in which you will draw up a plan for spending a month. To begin with, at the top above the table, write down the amount that you plan to have within a month, then you need to break the sheet into as many columns as you expect cost items, and list them by priority, in the first column you enter everything that you cannot live without (food, hygiene products, etc.) and against each item put the estimated amount of waste for a month.

The next column, what is secondary but important enough for you, purchases planned for a long time or desired today (clothes, furniture, jewelry, etc.). on against each item also enter the amount, the next column is your rest and leisure (cinema, theaters, restaurants, travel, etc.). and one more obligatory column unforeseen purchases (medicines, etc.), here the amount can be conditional, all other columns are at your discretion. At the end of each column, fill in the total amount. You fix the amount of the first column, it is not touching, you subtract it from the amount of the receipt of funds for the month, the remaining amount, distribute to the other columns, reviewing priorities and opportunities.

Everything that remained unattainable this month is carried over to the next, but is already placed in higher priority positions. Try to draw up such a table at least once and you will understand how much it will help you and facilitate your choice in the priorities of the planned purchases, will help reduce your anxiety and anxiety related to your finances. And for housewives, it is also an opportunity to reduce your husband's discontent and misunderstanding about your waste, which will lead to your personal and family peace and well-being.

3. In foreign families, it is normal for the husband and wife to have different wallets

In our families, often in the old fashioned way, there is a common budget, but there are already examples when spouses are counting on themselves. Do you think this trend is capable of destroying family unity? In our country, in comparison with Western countries, the mentality and culture of raising a family has always been characterized by a greater focus on codependent relationships, and the culture in foreign families always promotes the division of freedom and responsibility in half. Hence, where there is dependence on the other, a general budget is created, and as a rule by default, where there is no freedom in individual choice, and as a result, the accumulation of irritation and resentment. Where in families there is freedom of choice for each family member, there appears an opportunity to make a joint decision on the division of the budget, or on joint management of finances, or partially common, in such a family there may appear a lot of options where everyone can be satisfied after discussing and making a decision. And which of these two tendencies is capable of destroying the unity of the family, judge for yourself.

4. From the point of view of a psychologist, don't you think that financial conflicts most often have a different basis: sexual disharmony, dominance in the family, selfishness, inability to be responsible?

I quite agree that very often all sorts of conflicts and discontent in the family find their expression precisely from the financial side. And this is primarily due to the fact that for spouses, the topic of finance is safer and less tense, understandable and familiar than, for example, the topic of sexual dissatisfaction, in which there is much more embarrassment, awkwardness and even shame, of course, these feelings are not deliberately encountered I want to admit them to another, there is a fear of offending or being offended, offending for deeper feelings and destroying the relationship, and the provoked financial conflict here can essentially be a simple response to the accumulated tension in a completely different topic between spouses. Or, for example, one of the spouses does not feel important and significant for the other, does not feel his authority in the family, it is scary to honestly admit it even to oneself, not that to another, but financial pressure can compensate for this, with the help of finances you can manipulate and assert yourself, although of course this does not solve the problem at all.

5. Modern women often earn more than men. How not to provoke an "inferiority complex" in the second half about this?

In principle, it is quite difficult to deliberately provoke an "inferiority complex" in a person who initially succeeded with dignity, who was lucky to be born into a family where mom and dad treated each other with respect, warmth and love, which they passed on to their child. Well, if you are not lucky, then the complexes will inevitably manifest themselves regardless of someone's provocations, until the person himself wants to deal with them. The maximum is that it is possible to exacerbate the complexes of the other in your relationship, or to constantly feed the self-esteem of the other, that you will agree in itself is not an easy task. But as to who works or earns more in the family, this is the choice and agreement of the spouses themselves. Well, if a man begins to have complexes because of his wife's big earnings, well, well, it's also not bad, it's time to start striving to earn more.

6. An example from life. My husband's husband did not work for a long time - he was looking for a higher position that would correspond to his ambitions (but not education)

His wife is forced to go to work, take private lessons, however, she does not blame her husband, believing that he is really underestimated. The feeling is that the husband no longer wants to go anywhere. How to get a man to work and provide for his family? And is it really necessary to do this? An important and key problem in this example is, first of all, the attitude of the wife to the position of the husband, namely, that the wife actively supports the passive position of the husband, taking all obligations and responsibility for the financial situation of the family upon herself, feeding his ambitions with her solidarity with a strong opinion about his underestimation by potential employers. In such a situation, finding motivation for the husband to go to look for a job simply does not seem possible and necessary in itself, and I am not talking about making himself provide for his family under such favorable conditions. To do this, it is necessary for the wife to stop forcing herself to take unnecessary obligations to provide for the family, to transfer not a small share of responsibility to her husband, ceasing to maintain illusions about his grandeur. Take a real look at the abilities and potential of your spouse, and what you should definitely discuss with him. Only by reconsidering your attitude to the current situation can you correct it, if, of course, there is a need for this.