2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I am your inner child. More precisely, I am the one who did not grow up. I am your shadow, your blind spot.
Many people think that the inner child should be spontaneous, creative, and happy. I'm not at all like that: I am selfish, greedy and demanding. I want you to hear and notice me, take care of me. What are you doing?
Sometimes you create the appearance that everything is in order with you, you are endlessly doing something, in a hurry somewhere, and it is not surprising that your resources are no longer left for anything. At the same time, all your strength is spent on not noticing me. And I am angry with you and punish you with apathy, depression and illness.
Sometimes you hear me and my desires, but instead of giving me everything you need yourself, you start looking for other people. You stubbornly continue to think that there is someone in the world who can comfort me, take care of me, protect and save me. Is it possible if I only need you?
Sometimes you act with me as you did with you in your childhood: you scold me, urge me to pull myself together and not whine, threaten me, even isolate me from the world. And at first I cry, and then I go limp in powerlessness. But even at such moments it seems to you that life is meaningless, that it will never be good. Or it begins to seem to you that you are dying, and then you finally feel the same fear as I do.
I am your inner child, and I will continue to demand attention to myself until you begin to notice me, and until you take me in your arms, everything will fall out of your hands.
I will shame you with my antics when I can break out, exactly as long as you keep me locked up.
I will endlessly ask you, "Am I good?" Until you can answer me this question yourself, without begging it by your actions from other people.
I will suffer, and you will make another useless purchase in order to drown out this suffering at least for a while. Until you hear my desires. More precisely, and your desires, which you ignore so hard.
I will terrify you with my worst fears until you learn to calm me down.
I will cry until you sit next to me and, embracing me, cry bitterly about everything that has already happened, about what was not enough and about what was superfluous.
And only in this way, together grieving and mourning the past, we will find strength for acceptance, forgiveness and even gratitude.
And only then will I calm down and understand that childhood is over. And you will learn to take responsibility for fulfilling your needs, finally ceasing to wait for an impeccable and ideal parent who should take care of this for you.
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