Begging For Love

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There is nothing more natural than the desire to be loved. When a loving man appears next to a woman, she flourishes. And no matter how smart, self-sufficient, successful and independent she was before. As soon as she falls in love, the world takes on new colors. The air seems cleaner and the sky is higher. And I want to keep this feeling as long as possible. At any cost.

Let me now not talk about the chemical component of this feeling, methodically explaining everything by the production of hormones. You all know about testosterone, endorphins, and oxytocin. But what do you know about love?

We all seek approval from parents, friends, bosses and partners at different stages in our lives, hoping that this will make our existence more meaningful. And we all Sooner or later we realize that neither approval nor even admiration is equal to "love." Without it, all the material benefits of the world fade away. Neither career, nor success, nor fame can replace the feeling that we experience, burying our nose in our own shoulder.

And now, finally, we meet him (her). Someone cautiously walks in circles, unable to believe in their luck, and someone rushes headlong into a maelstrom of relations. The chemical reactions are the same for everyone, but the consequences are different. Someone manages to build long-term reliable relationships, and someone's love boat regularly crashes before reaching the big water. What is the reason?

As always, there is nothing unambiguous in the psychology of relationships - therefore, there can be many reasons. One of the most common is that we coming up with a relationship.

Realizing that there is not enough love in our life, we strive to fill this void at any cost. We grab the first slightest candidate and "assign" him to be responsible for our happiness. We close our eyes and deny the obvious in an effort to experience the feeling we miss so much. We decorate our chosen one with qualities that are not at all inherent in him, in the hope of adjusting to the "ideal". We convince ourselves in all possible ways that this is, finally, "it, that one." And most of us are great at first.

Remember the cartoon about the crow who persuaded the pet cat to swap places with her? The crow did this for the opportunity to live in luxury, warmth and contentment. And the cat, tired of the excessive care of the hostess, wanted freedom and take a walk to its fullest. As a result, both characters realized that they wanted something different from what they fought for, and returned to their own lives.

But our life with you is not like a cartoon. And when we understand that the relationship turned out to be fake, it is very difficult for us to part with our own illusions. After all, so much effort was invested to repaint the relationship in the color of the ideal. So many tears were shed in attempts to convince myself of the correct choice of a partner. So many sacrifices have been made in the hope of filling the void. What now, give up everything? And now we are already begging for love as alms, standing with an outstretched hand on the wreckage of our own dream.

And what about our partner? Have you noticed that I hardly mention it anywhere? Because he is not important to us in these relations. We didn't even have time to get a good look at it. After all, we had to urgently fill the void. In pursuit of the illusion of a relationship, we did not even try to figure out who he really was. We decided everything for him at the moment when we “chose” him as “the one”.

If our partner is a strong and reasonable person, he Sooner or later will attempt to break this illusion of relationship. If he, like us, tries at any cost to "build" his own version of love, the agony can last a long time.

You may have already noticed that what we ask for and what we want always appears in our life. But it does not always appear in a recognizable form. “Sooner or later, one way or another, at any cost” are dangerous phrases. We really get what we wanted - it only comes either too early or too late. Things are not going well, but differently. And the price is often too high. This is not mysticism - this is the law of life, which not everyone wants to recognize, but which does not cease to be effective from this.

"Never ask anyone for anything, a proud woman" (c), - said in the best novel about love. Don't beg for love. This feeling cannot be created artificially. It is either there or not. And, if in an effort to fill the void, you sacrifice yourself and your partner - this is not love. Life is fragile. You shouldn't turn it into an illusion.